The Language of L-O-V-E
by Aurora Lenore
Summary: S. Peter Pryor Junior College's new foreign exchange student has both Dobie and Chatsworth's tongues wagging. What starts out as a competition for her affections, however, turns into much more after a stunning revelation is revealed.
1. Chapter 1: Sirbu, Cordova

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters of the beloved show. I do own Cordova. I keep her locked in the basement with my pet squirrel and my collection of mason jars. Oh. And her name is pronounced Cor-doe-va. Not Cord-e-va. Say it wrong and I will hit you with a frying pan.**

Dobie Gillis trudged begrudgingly along towards S. Peter Pryor Junior College's campus. He was still unhappy that he had been specifically chosen to befriend a new foreign exchange student and show him around. He had better things to do than to try and communicate with a guy who probably spoke barely a word of English. He had enough trouble communicating with his best friend, Maynard G. Krebbs, who spoke English. Well, somewhat, anyway. But Professor Burkhart had insisted that Dobie would be the perfect canidate for the task.

"Mr. Gillis, I can't think of anyone better than to help our new student find their way. While your studies may lack, and that is putting it mildly, you are what the students call a nice boy," she had said. "Now, you will meet our student, who is originally from Romania, at the front of the campus tomorrow morning at seven-thirty. Understood?"

"But Professor Burkhart; I-" he had tried to argue, but she instead handed him a piece of paper.

"You will do just fine. It's best if you don't bring along Mr. Krebbs, however. We don't wish to scare off our student on the first day. Good day, Mr. Gillis."

So Dobie did as he was told and arrived promptly at seven-thirty. The only other person, however, at the front of the building was a female with her back turned to him. "Um, excuse me. I'm looking for a Sirbu?" he asked.

The woman turned around and Dobie instantly lost his breath. She was the most stunningly beautiful creature he had ever seen. Long wavy black hair, creamy skin, violet eyes and luscious pink lips and cheeks. "You must be Dobie Gillis," she replied in a thick yet hushed Romanian accent. "Sirbu is my last name. My first is Cordova."

Dobie opened his mouth, but it took a few seconds for actual words to form. "Cordova. What a beautiful name for such a magnificent creature. Where have you been all my life?"

Cordova looked at him strangely. "At my former home in Romania."

Dobie smiled. "Well, it must be destiny that we are to stay close to one another, side by side."

"Hiya, poopsie! Who's your new friend?" an all too familiar voice spoke up from behind.

"Oh, hi, Zelda," Dobie replied unenthusiastically. "This is Cordova. She's our new foreign exchange student from Romania. Now, don't you have somewhere you need to be? Like anywhere else?"

"Only by your side," Zelda slipped her arm through his. She then looked at Cordova, examining her carefully. "Do you speak English?" she asked-in Romanian.

Dobie stared at her, eyes wide that Zelda could speak her language. "How do you-?"

"I speak English very well," Cordova answered in the only language Dobie could understand.

"Beautifully," Dobie breathed.

"Well, I'm Zelda Gilroy, the future Mrs. Dobie Gillis. You can't ask for a better lug than this guy to show you around, but don't count on him for much else. He may not be too smart or have the most handsome face, but he's all heart."

"Zelda!" Dobie cried, looking at her in annoyance.

"Nice to meet you, Zelda," Cordova smiled, shaking her hand. "We should get to the first classroom, no?"

"Right this way, my Romanian Goddess," Dobie brightened as he slipped his arm from Zelda's grasp and right into Cordova's before walking away. _Thank you, Professor Burkhart. Best assignment ever._


	2. Chapter 2: No Drooling In Class

**Well, you saw Dobie's reaction...let's just see how Mr. Osborne Jr. reacts, shall we? *Laughs maniacally and disappears in a cloud of smoke***

"This is Mr. Pomfritt's English class," Dobie told her as they walked up to the door. "There's an empty seat by me with your name on it."

"You write names on desks? How strange," Cordova looked at him.

"Oh, no. It's just an expression, my foreign delight," he chuckled, opening the door for her.

"I see. While I speak English well, there are still so many sayings I do not quite grasp."

Dobie smiled as he showed her to her seat. "Stick with me and you will grasp them all. Just as you have grasped my heart."

"Actually, Dobie, I was needing to tell you something-" Cordova began, but was interrupted by a man climbing through the window.

"Maynard, why can't you come through the _door_ like everybody else?" Dobie asked as Maynard took a seat behind him.

"Cause if you ain't noticed, good buddy, I ain't like everybody else," Maynard replied. He then looked at Cordova. "Hey, Dobe; who's the new girl?"

"Beautiful, isn't she? Her name is Cordova. She's from Romania."

"Isn't that like near Chicago?" Maynard asked.

Dobie rolled his eyes. "No, Maynard. Romania is on a completely different continent!"

"Oh! So like near South Dakota, then!" Maynard stated.

Dobie opened his mouth to speak, but Mr. Pomfritt walked in the room, followed seconds later by Chatsworth Osborne, Jr.

"Chatsworth, so nice of you to join us," Mr. Pomfritt proclaimed.

"Dreadfully sorry, Mr. Pomfritt, but due to the impending rain shower, I had to park my little blue sports car in a well-covered parking area. I then had to have my servant Trembley pick me up and drive me to campus," he explained with exhasperation.

"Oh, yes. The tragedy of it all," Mr. Pomfritt muttered. "Take a seat, Chatsworth."

Dobie watched as Chatsworth started to take his usual seat. Until he saw Cordova, that is. Once his eyes locked onto hers, he quickly rushed into the seat next to her, grinning from ear to ear.

"Greetings and salutations, my sweetness. I am Chatsworth Osborne, Jr. Pleasure to make your acquaintaince," he welcomed her, taking her hand in his and lifting it to his lips.

"My name is Cordova Sirbu," she replied, gently retracting her hand from his.

Dobie leaned over to her. "Would you like for me to ask Chatsworth to move? I'd be more than happy to," he whispered.

"Mr. Gillis, perhaps you should be focusing your attention to my class instead of the seating arrangements," Mr. Pomfritt warned. "Ms. Sirbu, I welcome you to S. Peter Pryor."

"Thank you, Mr. Pomfritt," she smiled, saying his name slowly for fear of mispronouncing it.

Dobie tried hard to concentrate on the English lesson, but he kept watching Chatsworth watching Cordova. "Maynard," he whispered, "look at the way he keeps staring at her. You'd think he had never seen a beautiful girl before."

"Yeah. It's like kinda creepy. He's looking at her the way I look at fried chicken. You don't think he's like a canister, do ya?" Maynard asked.

"Maynard, that's _cannibal_ and no, Chatsworth isn't a cannibal. He thinks he's gonna win Cordova's affections. Well, he's got another thing coming. All is fair in love and war and if it's a war he wants, it's a war he'll get."

"Well, you can keep me out of it, good buddy. I don't like fighting or wars. I don't even like playing with _squirt_ guns!"


	3. Twisted Mister

"Maynard, I'm at my wit's end," Dobie confessed a few days later as they walked through the park. "Every time I turn around, there's Chatsworth, offering to carry Cordova's books, inviting her to play polo and cricket at his mansion. And what am I doing? Trying to win her over by buying her ice cream and helping her find her classes."

"Geez, Dobe; I figured anybody could be won over with like ice cream, but not her. She like must be one of those wacko intolerant types," Maynard replied with a shrug.

"Maynard, that's _lactose_ intolerant, and that's not it. It's gotta be something else."

Maynard rubbed his beard, deep in thought. "I know! Maybe it's cause like Chatsy's got money. Or maybe it's cause Chatsy's got that nice car. Or _maybe_ it's cause--"

"Maynard, _enough_! I get the point!" Dobie cried out, his already bruised ego now needing extensive mending.

"Or maybe she's not interested in _either_ of you," a voice continued from behind.

Dobie and Maynard turned around to find Kate Osborne, Chatsworth's level-headed yet equally wealthy cousin.

"Kate; boy am I glad to see you," Dobie smiled warmly.

"Hiya, Rich Girl," Maynard waved.

"Hi, guys. I was looking for you to tell you that you and Chatsworth need to stop competing for Cordova's affections. She turned down Chatsworth's offers, too. Seems that she's just not interested in dating _anyone_ right now. Cordova just moved here from Romania and she's still getting to know everyone. Just back off and give her time."

Suddenly, a light bulb went off in Dobie's head. "I see. Have you already spoken to Chatsworth about Cordova?"

Kate shook her head, her ponytail bobbing back and forth. "No, I haven't told Chatsworth yet. Why?"

As if on cue, Chatsworth walked upon them, completely dressed for a tennis match. "Haven't told me what, Katie-Cuz?" he asked, smiling as he swung his tennis racket back and forth.

"I just told Dobie that Cordova doesn't want to date--," Kate began, but Dobie interrupted her.

"Yeah, sorry to break it to ya, Chatsworth, but Cordova just isn't interested. It seems your money and your fancy cars and huge tennis courts just can't impress a beautiful girl such as she."

"Whoa-ho-ho, Gillis baby; are you implying that I, Chatsworth Osborne Jr., have failed to cause Miss Sirbu's heart to swoon with delight? Surely you jest!" he replied haughtily, puffing his chest out.

"I'm not implying it, Chatsworth; I'm merely stating a fact. She said she's not interested. Isn't that what you just told me, Kate?" Dobie asked, the smile never leaving his face.

"Well," Kate began uncomfortably, "she _said_ that, but she also--"

"See? Kate confirmed it. She spoke to Cordova herself. I'm sorry, Chatsworth, but it's proof that money can't buy everything," Dobie interjected once more, ignoring the warning glare from her.

Suddenly, Chatsworth's shoulders slumped and the smile vanished from his face. "I see. Well, I guess I'll be going now. Katie-Cuz, will you be a dear and cancel my tennis match? I suddenly don't feel so well," he sneezed for emphasis. "See you in class."

Kate started to respond, but Chatsworth ran off before she could get out the words. So she did the next best thing.

"Ow!" Dobie cried as she smacked his upper arm.

"Dobie Gillis, the next time you twist my words around like that, I'll slug you good! That was a rotten thing to do and you know it!" she shouted angrily.

"Kate, I couldn't help it. Chatsworth is always looking down his nose at Maynard and I, and I just had to let him have it. Please try to understand; you know how your cousin can be."

"Yeah. He's nothing like you; like your true blue and loyal and sweet and nice and--," Maynard complimented.

"Okay, okay, Maynard; I get it. Thank you," Kate blushed. "Well, it's a good thing Chatsworth won't let this bother him too long. After he goes home and has his caviar, he'll be back to his old self. So I am letting you off the hook...for now. But just _don't_ do it again."

"Oh, thank you, Kate. And I promise, it won't happen again," Dobie vowed, meaning every word as she left. "Maynard, did I do a terrible thing just now?"

"You mean like telling Chatsy that Foreign Girl like isn't interested in him when she ain't like interested in you, either?"

Dobie swallowed a lump in his throat. "Yeah, like that. It was mean and rotten, wasn't it?"

"Dobe, promise you like won't get mad?"

"I promise," he nodded.

"I like forgot what we was talking about."

Dobie sighed. "Never mind, Maynard. Never mind." But deep inside Dobie's heart, he knew what he did was mean and rotten. The only thing that gave him an ounce of comfort was knowing that by this time tomorrow, Chatsworth Osborne Jr. would be trying to win over another girl. That was one thing that would never change.


End file.
